Thoughts on time and mortality 2/20/14: A Tribute to Adam Czyz

Today was a big day for the senior class at Palmer High School: senior class picture day. I'm a little sad to admit that I've been looking forward to this day for quite some time. And yet, it's still hard to believe that today was the day. A lot of time was wasted dreaming about what my senior year would be like. But as I shuffled into the gym with 436 other seniors I couldn't help but be disappointed. Looking into familiar faces, and some unfamiliar, I realized how far off from reality my imagination really was. I'm proud of who I am, and it's been a long journey to this point, but it's sad that a lot of my ideas and dreams weren't realized this year. Today is also a very important day because it marks the candlelight service held for Adam Czyz, a Palmer student that passed last Friday. I knew Adam because we both attended Horace Mann Middle school. I'll never forget his passionate love of foxes when we were kids or his irrational fear of public speaking, but it's hard not to regret the many lost opportunities to be closer with him. He was a wonderful person, that much I know. But at the end of his life I only have those memories to cherish. It's a crazy thing, death. Looking back at all those innocent faces I grew up with it's not easy to imagine that eventually, we will all die. Adam was taken too soon and he will be dearly missed by everyone that knew him, including me. But in his death comes a blessing for those around him: the reflection of life. In remembering how fragile life is we should let go of the past and all it's transgressions as well as the stress and anticipation of the future. There is nothing like the present and we too often take it for granted. There are no garuntees that we will have a tomorrow. I know it's hard to live life as if it's the last day you have, but for the sake of Adam I plan to appreciate the people and time that I do have. Forgive and forget. Holding on to the past only prevents you from living now, and hoping for the future only leaves you disappointed. Tragedy is always present, it just takes something close to home to help you see it. For anyone reading this please take these messages with you and pass them on: life is short and fragile, never leave angry, always open yourself up because the pain of rejection is always better than the pain of regret, and treat those around you with love because even if you survive today- they may not. Rest in peace Adam. We love and miss you. 

Spinning: A poem

I am nothing but a child, 

A small girl twirling in the garden 

And as the evening glow fades,

A blanket of restlessness remains,

For I've been spinning 

Since you said "goodbye"- 

Faster and faster, 

Arms reach for the edges 

Of an eternal sadness. 

My sorroundings are blurred 

But I can see hard lines, 

Mirroring the contours of your body. 

Colors have mixed and blended- 

The truest shade of blue 

I've seen only in your eyes, 

Wet from tears, 

But they slide from mine instead

Because the chatter has harmonized,

And my name rolls off your sweet tongue. 

I'm wishing it was over now, 

Sick and dizzy I close my eyes,

But if I stop now I'll surely forget, 

What it meant, 

To love you. 

Better off: A poem

Love is almost always a tragedy.
Unbeknownst to you or I,
The tender words;
Gentle kisses;
And soft praise-
Lulls our senses to sleep.
Although our dreams tell tales
About harsh realities.
It's the roar and chatter
Of cottled illusions, lies,
And of make believe
That force us awake.
"I think we're better off."-
This broken heart and I: Alone.

Darling: A poem

I hold you in my heart,
Taking peaks at your haunting eyes,
Like sun shining through the gaps
Of time spent dreaming of you.
Cursing the steps back
But blushing from the sparks
Burning my skin still.
Slowly,
In small doses,
Tanned skin- scarred in the soft light,
The smell of sweet cinnamon.
A melody of whispered admiration,
My heart blooming from the care
Of your honest gaze.
And the record plays,
Over and over-
A voice I'll never forget.
Wrapped up in your arms,
Flames lick and ignite,
Disguised as your rough hands.
We harmonize in a familiar rythym.
And I can't stop smiling,
Becuase I've seen you:
In my wildest dreams.

This is what we'll rememeber: A poem

This is what we'll remember:
The glimmering
Of the few that were different,
Framed in my ill mind.
Told again, out of context-
A simple dream,
That means the world.
They'll shine like photos,
Exposed to too much light,
Captured through green eyes.
The shaping of true vibrations,
And dew on my skin.
BREAKING OUT,
Will crowd the insecurities,
And we'll smile because we stood-
Tall in our chuck taylor's.
Our beautiful shimmering bodies,
Enough to last the dulling of mind.

Redwood: A Poem

I am a Redwood tree,
Sould burried deep beneath the forest floor,
Anchored peacefully to the earth.
And yet I long to be free,
Forever reaching for the sky,
Seeking the familiar sun to release me,
Grasping the moisture from the clouds.
I stand strong and magnificent,
Thundering in my silence.
I balance the world around me,
Accepting the love of the rain and its children.
I am all knowing,
But also the largest mystery the world has ever known.

The Almighty Introduction

Everyday of my life, my mind is bombarded with thoughts, feelings, and ideas. More often than not, the creative ideas are lost or discarded to make room for more pressing matters. By creating this blog I hope to get in touch with my creative side and get back to something I truly enjoy: writing. Here you will find poetry and many rambling posts about the goings on in my life. Please, take what I say with a grain of salt and be kind whilst reading- I'm terrible with spelling and by no means a literary genius. Namaste.